November 2005

What an exhausting day of teaching middle school!  As my tired feet walk me to the house and into my kitchen, I notice the answering machine blinking in Morse code fashion.  Pushing play, I sit down and listen . . . “Think pink!” the message quotes.  I instantly smiled and knew it was my childhood friend calling to let me know the results of her ultrasound.   Without any hesitation, I immediately called back to congratulate her.  We chatted briefly about how much fun it will be to have a girl as well as how her two boys will feel about having a baby sister.  My husband Jeff is in the kitchen as I set the phone down; he has heard the entire conversation. Silence mixed with sadness transpires into my heart, radiates down to my soul, and is revealed by a single tear that rolls down my face, splashing onto the table.  Dreams of my own little girl swirling around in my gram’s red, glittering gold, square dance dress flash before my eyes.  Who will wear the costume jewelry that I have saved over the years?  Will I ever paint a pink room or go shopping for mother/daughter Easter dresses? Knowing that having a third child was not an option due to complications from the last pregnancy, I mentally begin to pack up my gram’s dress and her jewelry. . .

And then, my best friend, the love of my life, walks over and slowly pulls me up from the chair.  I refuse to look at him, embarrassed of my own tears and frustrated with the guilt of not feeling content with two children.  After all, every mother knows that each child is unique in the blessings and gifts that they possess.  I didn’t want to change the way the Lord chose to bless us with our boys; I just felt like someone was missing from our family. Daily, I would walk down the hallway of portraits, always glancing at the family picture taken earlier.  The feelings of a forgotten child always overshadowed the pride I felt as I admired the photo.  Suddenly, my thoughts came to a screeching halt as my husband cups my face into his hands and says, “Let’s go get your girl–let’s adopt.”

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 11th, 2010